At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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