I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I understand Curling. That high.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
