sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
