Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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