Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
