Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
