I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
