You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize