i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
