I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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