i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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