In the future we'll all be gay
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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