if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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