Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
