a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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