nut hugger
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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