Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
this will be a night to untag.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
