My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What drink are we having for lunch?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
