Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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