I looked at my own cervix.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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