Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
