I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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