Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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