You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
