please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
