i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
