Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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