dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
