like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
