If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
