But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
