Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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