I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
