Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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