Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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