I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
