Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
