Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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