I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
