I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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