Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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