She's JV to your varsity
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
