You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
