i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
