my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
