i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
