So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
