real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
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i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
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Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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