There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
