I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
