If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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