Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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