I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
