I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
