Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i've created a new STD.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
