You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
