Fuck appropriateness.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
