Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
