he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
