my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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