you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
