oh god the rape fog is back!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
