Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize