I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
