don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
