last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
