oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
