Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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