He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
